Michelle Obama is Showing Black Women How to Rest

January | 20th | 2025 - Written by Dana Tenille Weekes

Michelle Obama has decided not to attend the 74th presidential inauguration today, and we know why. Her “why” affirms what we declared after the November elections: “We will no longer be America’s mules.”

 

But here’s a question we must ask ourselves: Are we truly ready to no longer be the mules? Asked differently, are we ready to rest?

 

Michelle’s decision models for us how to live in a rest mindset. I define rest as “a liberating form of self-acceptance where you consciously navigate the world in your agency and belonging.” This definition goes beyond commercialized self-care that often makes us think we’re resting when we’re not.

 

Rest is not just about getting that massage. Have you ever gotten a massage on Saturday and were tense and frustrated by Monday? Guess what? You were not at rest. Rest is about how you intentionally center yourself in your everyday life, where you trust and show up in your free will and decision-making. You give yourself permission to be you. You create your liberation to be.

 

For us, resting is difficult because we have been conditioned to decenter ourselves and, instead, center people who expect us to accommodate them. Our default is to say “yes” to the unwillingーfolks who are unwilling to do the necessary change work for themselves.

 

Think about how you’ve placed yourself in the center of someone else’s life (intentionally or unintentionally). Think about how you deemed yourself the only living being who can convince this person to behave, work, or live differently. You say things like, “I have to, or no one else will.” You say, “I am fighting the good fight.” But, deep down, you know this person does not care to change at this time. You know this person is unwilling.

 

We spend so much time in our 24-hour day playing the martyr in other people’s lives. Yet, a martyr’s purpose is to sacrifice, including their life.

 

Michelle Obama is no martyr. Here’s the thing, though. I guarantee that Michelle will continue to fight and create platforms that make this country better. This is because she knows the difference between fighting and accommodating. Michelle will continue to work with people and communities willing to dismantle systems of oppression and build in ways that reimagine true freedom in this country. At the same time, Michelle understands that she is solely responsible for protecting her agency in doing so.

 

Michelle’s decision not to attend the presidential inauguration exemplifies and honors her belonging and how she navigates this world. She refuses to sacrifice herself, especially for the sake of tradition and expectation, even as our forever First Lady. Michelle has prioritized and modeled rest for us.

 

If you haven’t set an intention for 2025 (or want to set a different one), declare you are no longer America’s mule. Make today a Day of Rest and commit to living in a rest mindset.

 

 

Dana Tenille Weekes is the host of The Rest of Us podcast. The Rest of Us explores rest as self-liberation and builds a community for people who are willing to embrace rest differently.